


To Sleep; Perchance to Dream

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anxious Bucky Barnes, M/M, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Then the fluffiest of fluffy, Wanda Maximoff is a Good Bro, soft steve rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 07:56:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19058467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Bucky has some thoughts about Steve.  Steve has some thoughts about Bucky.  Sam and Wanda need to smack them both in the head.





	To Sleep; Perchance to Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Steve mentions that it's been a long time since he's been kissed. The explanation for my brain is, he doesn't count the kiss with Nat because that was for survival and I don't even consider the kiss with Sharon to have happened.

Bucky leans against the door frame of Steve’s room, watching his oldest and only friend sleep. Coming in from a mission last night, Steve had been tired to his very core. He’d been gone for a couple of months and Bucky had been left to his own devices.

Now, the brunette watches as his friend catches up on sleep that he’s sure Steve didn’t get while away. Bucky had watched as Steve stripped, unknowing that his friend was watching from the chair in the corner of the living room, right in the hallway, dragged himself to the bathroom and showered as quickly as possible. Then he’d fallen into bed sans clothes because he just didn’t have the strength to walk to the dresser.

Bucky leans with his arms crossed over his chest and listens to the deep, easy breathing from the bed. He’s not sure how long he stands watch, but then Steve rolls, leaving most of the covers behind, exposing the upper half of his body to the cool room. Bucky steps in with the stealth of an assassin and gently pulls the covers from under Steve.

Out of some remembered past, he pulls them up, he tucks them around his friend. Steve doesn’t get cold anymore, but Bucky can’t let go of that little guy that couldn’t stay warm. Looking down into the sleeping face, he is again reminded of just how beautiful his best friend is. Even when he was a 100 pounds of nothing, he was still beautiful. Becca used to comment on it and Bucky wondered all those years ago if someday his sister would want Steve Rogers to woo her into marriage.

Smiling Bucky leaves the room. He shouldn’t be in here anyway. He tries to adhere to boundaries, but when Steve is like this, he’s hard pressed not to take care of him like he used to. Going back to the chair in the living room, he picks up the book he was reading and picks up where he left off. Never fully blocking out Steve’s labored breathing from the other room.

 

Steve’s been home for a week when Bucky disappears. Crawling out of bed at his usual 5AM, Steve makes coffee believing that Bucky will be up by 7. When seven comes and goes and his best friends door still hasn’t opened, Steve begins to worry. Chastising himself, he has to remember that Bucky is better, so much better, and is allowed to sleep late.

But as nine comes and goes, that feeling of dread overwhelms the super soldier and he makes a quiet rap on Bucky’s door. When no answer comes, he slowly opens the door to find the bed made and Bucky nowhere to be seen. Running for his phone, Steve calls Sam. As it rings, Steve mind flies through multiple scenarios, but all of them end the same way. Bucky left and Steve won’t see him again. It leaves such a bleak feeling in his gut that Steve slips to the floor.

Sam answers, sounding bright and cheery. “Steve, have you been missing me on our runs?” There isn’t an answer immediately because Steve doesn’t know what to say. “Steve?”

“He’s gone Sam.” There aren’t tears because Steve’s never quite learned how to let that side of himself out. The last time he cried is when Bucky fell from the train and before that, it had been when his ma died.

“What do you mean he’s gone?”

“He didn’t get up at his regular time and I thought he was just sleeping in, but I went in a few minutes ago and his bed hasn’t been slept in.” Steve uses every ounce of energy he has and pulls himself from the floor.

“Is his stuff gone?”

Steve pads back to the room and looks around. Opening the bedside table, Bucky’s weapons are gone. Going to the closet, Steve sees that the backpack is gone too. “The stuff he would take is gone.” Having one more idea, he goes to the wall mounted lamp and swings it aside. All of the journals are still there. Steve had found this hiding place by accident while dusting. He’d immediately told Bucky what had happened and mentioned that if he wanted to find a new hiding place, one that Steve didn’t know about, it was okay. Bucky had just smiled and said, ‘I trust you, Stevie.’ “His journals are still here.”

Sam lets out a long slow breath. “Trust me then, he isn’t gone for good. Those journals are his connection to his past. He wouldn’t leave them.”

“Then where is he?” Steve closes the cubby and goes back to the kitchen.

“He’s probably just out clearing his head. Sometimes he needs to just breathe.” Sam chuckles. “Relax, you haven’t lost him again.”

Steve tries to smile, but it falls flat. “Yeah…okay.” They hang up and Steve goes to sit in the chair by the window. Bucky likes this seat the best because he can see the whole room and scan outside. He stares out at the grey sky and wonders if he was always this attached to Bucky. Shaking his head, he knows that he always has been. Decades ago though, two men could be close and people called it brotherly, now they call it something else.

 

Sam turns, looking at Wanda, holding Bucky’s hand, and hates that he just lied by omission. The former assassin looks up at him, pained expression pasted to his face. “I don’t like having to do that.”

Wanda squeezes his hand in comfort. “I know Wilson, I’m sorry.” It took a long time for Bucky to be able to apologize because he didn’t remember the etiquette for that. So much had been washed away by Hydra and common curtsey was part of that.

Sam sits on the sofa facing the other two. “I know man, I just think you need to talk to him about this.”

Wanda brushes a stray hair from his face. “Why don’t you just tell him?”

Bucky leans back, resting his head on the back of the sofa. “I don’t know how.”

Sam watches this agony of the weight pressing down on his friend. “Sometimes the best way is just to say it. Don’t think about it, that just stresses you out, just walk up to him and say it.”

“I’m not that brave.” Both Wanda and Sam get a laugh out of that. Bucky doesn’t find it amusing.

Bucky drags himself back to his and Steve’s apartment later that night knowing that he’s going to have to answer too many questions. When he walks in, Steve is sitting in his chair, looking out the window at the setting sun. What Bucky isn’t expecting is for Steve to simply look over and smile.

Steve stands and just smiles then after a few minutes he gives a quiet, “hey Buck.” There are no questions, just soft smiles. “I’m going to make some tea.”

Steve goes into the kitchen, opening cabinets and turning the kettle on. A few minutes after the kettle whistles, Steve comes back in carrying two cups, the string of the tea bag hanging down the side. Handing one over, he goes to the sofa, leaving Bucky’s chair empty. Picking up his sketch pad, he opens to a fresh page and starts drawing. Bucky stands confused. “You aren’t going to ask me where I was?”

Steve looks up, that damn soft smile still on his face. “You’ll tell me if you want me to know.”

Bucky huffs and goes to his chair. “What’s gotten into you? You usually jump all over me when I’m not here.”

Steve sits the pad down, picking up his cup, leaning his elbows on his knees and rolling the cup between his hands. “That’s kinda the problem isn’t it?” Bucky frowns, not understanding. “I thought about it all day and I treat you like you can’t take care of yourself, but you can.” He laughs. “Better than me most of the time.”

Bucky hangs his head. Wanda had told him earlier that he would know when the right moment came along and here it is presenting itself. “Don’t get mad at Wilson, but I was with him and Wanda. I asked him not to tell you.”

Steve takes a sip. “Bucky listen, you can see anyone you want and it’s none of my business.” Steve looks like an idea strikes him. “You remember when you used to go out? You know, back in the day?” Bucky nods, not sure what this is leading to. “When you’d come in, I’d be waiting up and question you until you would call me a jerk and tell me to shut up. It’s like that, I just needed to remember. I got so caught up in having you back and I didn’t want to let go.” Steve shrugs. “It’s time that I let you go.”

Looking up, Bucky says the only thing he can. “What if I don’t want you to let me go?” Steve looks confused. “Steve, I’ve been wrestling with something and Wilson and Wanda think I just need to say it.”

“So say it.” Then he just looks so resigned; staring down at the floor. “Do you need me to clear out, Buck? If you need your own space I can do that.”

Jesus, this is getting out of control quick. “I love you, you pain in my ass.” He’s up and pacing out of frustration. “Here I am trying to tell you that since I was 14 years old I’ve been in love with you and you’re talking about leaving me!”

 

Steve is honestly shell shocked. Never, in a million years, did he ever imagine Bucky saying that to him. He’s sure he looks the picture with his mouth hanging open and his eyes bugged out. At some point he’s going to have to get his shit together and say something, but that’s going to have to wait another minute or so until he actually has his shit together. Bucky looks horrified, like he didn’t actually mean to say it out loud or maybe he just didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but either way, he’s mirroring Steve’s open mouth and bugged eyes.

“Bucky?” Steve doesn’t know if he should stay where he is or go to his friend, who seems more than a little agitated. To Steve he looks like a scared animal that is about to attack or chew its own leg off. “Why don’t you sit?” Steve puts his hands up trying to placate Bucky. “Not tellin ya what to do, but you seem like you want to run.” Steve backs away, to the other side of the sofa, putting distance between them and moving towards the kitchen. “Maybe you want to leave for a little while. I won’t stop you. Go if you need to.”

Now Bucky looks confused, tilting his head at Steve backing away from him. “I’m not gonna do anything to you Steve. Why do you…” It strikes Bucky to his core. He’s known this punk their whole lives and Steve only acts this way when he thinks that Bucky’s said something he didn’t mean. “I meant what I said Steve. I love you.”

There’s a choked off whimper from Steve, tears gathering in his eyes, but he still seems so lost. “I wish you wouldn’t say that.” Bucky looks crestfallen after that and Steve knows he’s made a mistake. “No, no Buck, not like that.” This is turning into the biggest mess that Steve’s ever been part of and that’s saying a lot considering how many messes he used to cause all on his own. Taking a deep breath, he looks up at his friend. “I love you too. Always have. Just didn’t think I’d ever be standin here with you saying just what I wanted to hear.”

Bucky comes at him like a man possessed, stopping just inches from Steve. “Say it again, Stevie.”

Steve blushes, looking at the floor. “I love you.” It’s but a whisper, but it’s the best thing Bucky’s ever heard.

“I love you too.” He tilts his head to catch Steve’s eyes. The blond locks on and Bucky sees every soft smile, every light touch, every gentle laugh that has ever come out of his best friend. “How long?”

Steve blushes again, but maintains eye contact. “Don’t really know. Just kinda always been there, waitin.”

Bucky steps the few separating inches, cupping Steve cheek with his right hand, resting his temple against Steve’s cheek, and seeking out Steve’s other hand with his left. “Don’t talk about leaving again. We’ve been through too much for too long for us to let go of this.”

Steve nods. “It’s been a long time for me, but do ya think you could kiss me?”

He sounds so young, like that little guy all those decades ago. Bucky pulls back, smiling. “Course.” He leans in, connecting their lips and Steve huffs out a breath like it’s being sucked out by force. Leaning away, Bucky checks to make sure he’s okay. Steve stands motionless, lips parted, with a small barely there smile and his eyes still closed. “You okay, doll.”

Steve blinks then gazes at Bucky with an adoration that the ex-assassin doesn’t think he deserves. “Better than okay. Can we do that again?”

Bucky chuckles and leans in, reconnecting their lips. Within minutes they are battling for dominance using tongues as weapons. Bucky’s arms snake around Steve’s waist, pulling him in closer. Steve’s wrap around Bucky’s neck, holding on like Bucky is the only thing keeping him grounded. Pulling back, Bucky rests his forehead against Steve’s. “Don’t ever leave me, Steve.”

“Don’t think I could.” He opens his eyes and Bucky can see his expression melt from passionate to serious. Before he can ask, his question is answered. “You taught me what love is even when you didn’t mean to. You gave me strength to pull through things that I didn’t really have the strength for. You taught me what true fear is and how to face it. You, James Buchannan Barnes, are my hero, my true north, my savior. I know we aren’t the same people we were back then, but I see who you are now and I love you because of all those imperfections you like to point out about yourself. I see you.” He brushes the hair away from Bucky’s face and thumbs away the tears that have formed on his cheeks. “I see you and I love all of you.”

It takes a minute to get himself under control, but when he does, he’s all Bucky. “Those sound an awful lot like vows there Stevie.”

Steve grabs his hand and drags him toward the bedroom. “Don’t tempt me, Barnes or we’ll be married tomorrow.” Bucky stutters to a halt and Steve turns around with an eye brow quirked. “One thing at a time. Sex now, marriage tomorrow.” Bucky cackles all the way to the bedroom.


End file.
